Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
pray to the hookup gods
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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