I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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