Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
