I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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