I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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