he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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