i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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