She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
God I need to hump something, right now.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
