If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
