I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
