i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
