exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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