I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
