i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
