I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
