you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
