Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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