from now on my penis is your penis
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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