32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
