1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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