WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
