he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
