i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
