That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
