She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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