She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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