I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
