I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
