Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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