Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
