me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
