So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
