hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
