Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
