You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
