I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
