you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
