Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
