I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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