nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
