You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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