First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
