So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
