Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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