She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
