probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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