i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
