Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
