My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
