So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
