My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
