OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
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