we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Did we literally take a cab across the street
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Randomize
